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I cant believe I saw a woman wearing slippers in church today! I almost dropped my beer.
Nothing is more dangerous than a woman “gathering her thoughts”.
No officer, my speech isn`t slurred. I`m just talking in cursive.
ah... Crocs the 21st century version of the chastity belt
If I`ve learned anything from Facebook, it`s that you shouldn`t be learning on Facebook.
Show him you care by setting his house on fire so he will have to move in with you and never be lonely again.
My favorite part of country music is the part where I change the station.
Hooters does have hot girls, but the Subway girls are the real wife material.
Some mornings it`s best to just fill the sink with coffee, dunk your head in it, and suck.
Hitting the lotto is a sure way to stop hating on Mondays...
I live in a small town where the population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregant a guy leaves town.
When you think about how big the Earth is, then how small it is compared to the Sun, and how the Sun is just a speck of dust in the universe, it`s easy to justify eating an entire chocolate cake.
Lets just skip the fight and go right to the make-up sex.
I think that a lot of conflict that happened in the Wild West could`ve been avoided had architects in those days just made their towns big enough for everyone.
I danced like no one was watching but someone was watching, thought I was having a seizure and called an ambulance