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A woman is quick to reject a man that lives with his mother, but will accept a man that lives with his wife.
Gas prices are a lot like girls: We just wish they would go down.
Did you ever notice how a woman’s “I’ll be ready in 5min” and a guys “I’ll be home in 5min” are one and the same?
Think you`re going crazy? When you get there, look for me and I`ll show you around.
This status is mine....I licked it.
I hate that feeling when you feel you wrote something good on facebook and then nobody likes your status. Depressing... :(
I`ve heard that men that are married live longer, but i`ve also heard that men that have sex live longer. Anybody know which one of them is true?
I finally figured out how to get rid of that annoying sound in my car. I opened the door and pushed her out!!
I didn’t scream out someone else’s name during sex. I was thinking of baby names in case you get pregnant…
A guy knocked on my door asking for a small donation for the local pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
Pumpkin for sale! [slightly used]
Good morning friends … Wait … what the hell m I doing up this early?
insert coin to view my status
I`m not perfect. But I am better than you.
most teens are switching to twitter instead of facebook. noone wants to get on facebook and catch dad pocking mom... if you kno what I mean;)