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Two days is not enough time for a weekend.
Stairs are like rock climbing after a bottle of vodka.
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
Lazy is a very strong word, I like to call it “selective participation.”
Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog.
If someone posts a picture of their kid on Facebook making a stupid face, I like to comment with, "Oh, NOW I see the resemblance!"
To everybody that is single don`t worry you will have your day............ Palm Sunday is just around the corner
yes I have a dirty mind, and yes you are in it...
I was on the treadmill for 20 minutes this morning. Tomorrow I might even turn it on, but let’s not rush into things.
If I drove a UPS truck there’s a 100% chance I would fall out of the truck when I turned corners.
The Gym is like Church. Everybody thinks that by going one hour, one day, they`ll erase what they did during the week.
Thank you, true crime show, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
My life is based on a true story
A movie ticket for a baby should cost at least $50.
I organized a threesome last night....there were a couple of no shows, but I still had a good time