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Make somebody happy today... mind your own business!!!
i joined new gym yesterday. i did 3 sets of selfies on each machine
Guys... If the girl your getting down with doesn`t even have time to fake an orgasm..... It`s prob best you just make your sandwich
Can`t afford P90X or INSANITY workout videos? Go find a wasp nest and slap the sh!t out of it. Never knew I could shadow box,bicycle kick,and twirl while floating.
My imaginary friend is bullying me.
If you answer the phone and say "Hello, you`re on the air." most telemarketers will hang up quickly.
Sorry, when I said I have the stamina of an NBA player in bed I meant I take 10 timeouts in the final 2 minutes.
Ate salad for dinner! Mostly croutons & tomatoes. Really just one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce. And cheese. I ate a pizza.
I bet someone could get really rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights!
I put the hot in psychotic.
You are not stupid, I just think you have bad luck when thinking.
The lady next to me in the elevator told me to press One. That was the last thing I remembered
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,…Why don’t you ever smile in my pictures?
The only reason I offer to be the designated driver is so people will get used to seeing me load lifeless bodies into my car.
I`m gonna just take a quick nap before I go to bed.