Daily Silly Status

Everyday I’m shoveling. – Winter 2014

As I looked at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself: "I`m going to get thrown out of this home depot in a minute."

You don’t have to be naked to have a good time, but it helps.

Sticks and stones, break my bones, but hollow points expand on impact!

The secret of enjoying a good wine: 1) Open the bottle to allow it breathe. 2) If it does not look like it`s breathing, give it mouth-to-mouth.

Creating a password in this day and age After the 9th try OKNowI`mReallyMad50BoiledCabbagesUpYourArseIfYouDon`tGiveMeAccessImmediately! `Sorry, that password is already in use`

My favorite thing about working out is the part where I decide not to.

Get ahead of myself. Sometimes I

Apparently saying, "You mad, bro?" is frowned upon if you work in customer service.

I`ve decided that from now on I`m going to answer every question like a presidential candidate. It`s kind of fun... "Dean, what are you doing this weekend?" "That`s a great question -- and an important one. And I WILL do something this weekend. But let me take a step back, and answer a broader question. What are we ALL doing this weekend? As a nation? As a world? This weekend, I will do something comprehensive and robust, yet fun. We all should." "But what are you doing?" "What I`m g

Adding "and sh!t" at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.

Beware of the deodorants with instructions that ask you to "remove the top and push up bottom"... they could at least make them round.

I’m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them

There are plenty of fish in the sea ...That`s cool and all....but I`m a human.

Probably the worst thing you can do to a person is leave them a voicemail.