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Naked yoga in the backyard is the best way to get the neighbors to pay for that privacy fence.
I like surprises. Not the `finger in my a$$ without permission` kind, but flowers are always nice.
Apparently "I`ll break your god damn legs" isn`t the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway.
I wonder if one day somebody will knock on my door and say to me, “Hey ,we have 7 mutual friends in Facebook; may I come in?"
One would have to assume that Amish chicks carve their own sex toys.
My wife is pissed at me again...appearently I am breathing wrong.
The last time anything got banged on my bed, it was my little toe against the leg.
I’m always impressed when I can stump auto-correct...
I just realized that when I murder someone my neighbors will describe me as "quiet"
Can I use my Mastercard to make my Visa payment?
Would it be wrong to ask a one-eyed person if it really was "all fun and games" up to that point?
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
This is not the status message you are looking for .... Move along
American Sniper proves that not even being in an active war zone will prevent your spouse from calling you at work.
I told my kids to follow their hopes and dreams, as long as their hopes and dreams lead them out of my house when they`re 18.