Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%…unless you’re donating blood…
When someone says “you’re the best,” just know that it’s not really true because I’m the best.
Does all this status updating make my ego look fat?
I can explain it to you, but I can’t understand it for you.
Time flies when you`re throwing watches.
Creating a password in this day and age After the 9th try OKNowI`mReallyMad50BoiledCabbagesUpYourArseIfYouDon`tGiveMeAccessImmediately! `Sorry, that password is already in use`
How to cuss a kid out... "Shut the fudge up you little astronaut! You son of a batch of cookies! What the helicopters are you doing?!"
If you have just started playing flappy bird I would like to warn you there is nothing up ahead but more dangling pipes and disappointment
An egg salad is really just a chicken salad that is really underdone.
I plan on leaving all my money to the campaign against illiteracy. ...They can`t read this right? lol
I don’t have a problem with friends who ask to borrow money. I love a good laugh as much as the next guy.
Jesus, take the wheel. Carlos, you take the stereo & I`ll take lookout.
I got in touch with my inner child and the little sh!t hung up on me.
Pizza will never tell you you`re fat unless you`re high as sh!t, then pizza is probably suggesting you fight an aardvark to lose weight.
Why do they call it "Jew-ish"? Are they not Jew enough?