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I’d tell you what I’m doing but I’ve learned from other evil villains not to announce my plans first.
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Hey pigs, stop trying to swallow entire apples. You keep dying!
Often I convince myself I enjoy the company of other humans. Then I spend time with them and remember I don`t.
I’m not a picky eater or anything but I will look at both sides of a Dorito before I eat it to decide if its got a good cheesy dust ratio.
It`s about time the government enacted a law that keeps dumb and stupid people away from playing any role in society.
Neighbor said hi again. I`m just gonna move
"Is that a car alarm going off? Someone must be trying to steal it, I better call the police!" - literally no one ever
Experience is what you get, when you don`t get what you want
Nothing hides your feelings like the backspace key.
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to a job they hate, and paying their bills.
Just dropped off some film to be processed. More on this story as it develops.
Bacon has protein. Spinach has protein. Bacon is a vegetable.
People who say "I hate to bother you" need to learn to hate it a little bit more.
If we`re in a situation where I am the "voice of reason," then we are in a very very bad situation.