Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Sorry I got drunk and angry and said all those things I meant but still shouldn`t have said.
Roadside sobriety tests are getting ridiculous...Last night I had to fold a fitted sheet.
It`s true alcohol kills people, but how many are born because of it?
Did you know that if you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.
Take mentos and freeze into ice cubes. Put the ice cubes in your friend’s drink. After five minutes their drink will randomly explode.
I hate sharing popcorn with someone at the cinema and our fingers touch. Especially if I don`t know them, and they don`t know we`re sharing.
Get real. No one’s going to form a single line if the building’s on FIRE.
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I`m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Side boob is only hot on women, bro.
If it doesn’t make you afraid to go to the bathroom the next day, it’s not really hot sauce.
Hey, sorry I missed your call. I saw your name on the caller ID and I didn’t want to ruin my day by talking to you.
Warning: forgetting what pocket your keys are in may result in the Macarena.
Me: Mom...Dad. I`ve decided to live on my own from now on. Parents: ok, cool. Me: Your luggage is outside
Not to brag, but most of the problems that take Dora the Explorer 30 minutes to figure out, I can solve in like 18-20 minutes.
I’m not in denial, I’m just selective about the reality I choose to accept :)