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I just burned 1200 calories ... I forgot the pizza in the oven again.
If we learned anything from the Mayans, it’s that if you don’t finish something, it’s not the end of the world
I have cat-like reflexes. If I hear a loud noise, I keep napping.
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering every question!!!
In a perfect world Taco Bell would deliver...
This "NORMAL" you speak of, doesn`t sound fun at all.
There`s a lot of perks being a single parent, for one no witnesses.
Guy test! find the nearest guy by you and repeat to him the following slowly: Door knob, Titanic, Gluestick, Kiwi, Opra Winfey, Shovel, Boobs, Remote, Battery, Furby, Glowstick, Beer, & Xbox. NOW ask him what he remembers before "Boobs"
I have completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
I`ve had enough of my neighbours blasting their music from their backyard. I`m not annoyed cause it`s so loud, i`m annoyed cause they`re Korean & they`ve still yet to play Gangnam Style!
I`m not a bitch, I just have a low bullsh!t tolerance.
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I’m not sure what it means
I HATE it when I get invited to weird events on Facebook. ..For the FIFTH time, I do not want to go to your cat`s birthday party. Damn it! ..My dog is getting married
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
Common sense is like deodorant....The people who need it most never use it.