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No, I didn`t say I was a taxidermist. I said, I can stuff your beaver.
I am not acting childish and you`re just a big doody-head.
If I could move things by telekinesis I`d squeeze people`s insides and make them fart.
So I just saw a donkey crossing the road. The cool thing was he looked both ways before crossing. What a smart a$$.
If people are talking behind your back, then just fart.
Is beer cheaper off the kids menu
Bring a CD into my car that I "have to hear" and I`ll figure out a way to deploy the passenger side airbags
Dearest Neighbors, Please do not call the police, it`s not domestic violence or a wild party. It`s football season, that`s just me screaming at my TV.
No, I did not forget my password. I distinctly remember it being 8 asterisks.
Fun Fact: Valentine`s Day was created by a woman than didn`t get what she wanted for Christmas.
Dyslexics are teople poo.. :|
Santa gets all the credit and I get all the debt.
RIP to my hair dryer. It was the only thing to blow me for the last 10 years and never complain.
It`s 2013. With all the hormones in food and advances in medical technology, why are there still girls with less than C cup boobs?
Everyone wants their kid to learn to walk until exactly 30 seconds after their kid learns to walk.