Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’m starting to think that the gym isn’t really for me. I went this morning and laid down on the mat to do some sit-ups. I woke up 2 hours later.
One day, I will solve my problems with maturity. Today, however, it will be with alcohol.
After listening to what some people have to say, I am rethinking the importance this whole freedom of speech thing.
Your license plate should be your phone number... So when you drive like a dumbass, I can let you know about it.
I find it most unfair that the dentist in this neighborhood hands out toothbrushes for Halloween but the pharmacist doesn`t hand out drugs.
If your wife asks you if you know where the broom is, it`s not a good idea to ask her if she is going somewhere.
Nothing screws up your Friday more than realizing it’s only Tuesday.
That awkward moment when Adele finds someone like me
I told my wife that I have a sexual satisfaction guarantee policy. If you`re not completely satisfied, we`ll just do it all over again. Guaranteed.
I was the kid my parents warned me about.
You`ve already put up your Christmas tree? That`s nothing. I`m already drunk for St. Patrick`s Day.
Yesterday I accidentally swallowed a bottle of food coloring. The doctor says I`m OK, but I feel like I`ve dyed a little inside.
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "THERES ONE." -same guy, you`re british.
Success is like a fart. It only bothers people when it`s not their own.
The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.