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It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.
You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
You`ve got to love yourself. But not in public places.
Talk to me long enough and you`ll realize why I`m single.
Find someone who is honest, laughs when you make fun of them, and then give each other orgasms.
Siblings – the only people who will pick on you and then kick the a$$es of anyone else who does it.
Ladies and Gentleman, I`ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There`s never enough beer.
No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you.No thank you. I just want the oil change
Gotta admire people who drive with one hand holding on to a mattress tied to the roof.
Sometimes I watch sports holding an xbox controller just to screw with my girlfriend`s head.
If you added up all the time you waste on Facebook, think how much TV you could watch.
50% of people believe sex is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are men.
Figuring out that you`ll probably never figure it out is the first step of really figuring things out.
My friend is showing me her new vegan handbag. I know vegans can be annoying, but should we really be making accessories out of them?
if sexyness, kindness, sweetness was a crime, You would be the world`s most wanted