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Things are finally looking up for me. This Victoria`s Secret catalog just told me this is going to be "your sexiest year ever."
I hide from people too, so I get it unicorns, I get it.
Porn is so unrealistic. There`s no way a guy with a ponytail could have a house that nice.
Adding lyrics when you don`t know the words or making words up when you don`t speak the language. ;)
If I could just make one thing very clear at this point ... I would.
What can I do today that is only going to happen once in a blue moon?
Saw a Mime doing his gig. I reached into my purse and pretended to throw money in his hat.
Mall kiosk employees are basically human pop up ads.
My wife made me coffee this morning & winked at me when she handed me the cup. I`ve never been more scared of a drink in all my life.
Im at my classiest when my neighbor catches me begging my dog to sh!t faster because it`s cold.
People who peel the entire banana before eating it must be the same ones who take off all their clothes to go to the bathroom.
People who enjoy life, rarely have a flat stomach.
Whoever said “There is nothing as precious as a child’s laughter” obviously never fell down a flight of stairs in front of his kids.
It only takes one person to ruin it for everyone...Be that person.
I don`t know karate, but I do know crazy, and I`m not afraid to use it.