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Naps are tricky because you either wake up refreshed and relaxed or you have a headache, dry throat, and are unaware of what year you`re in.
Welcome to Psychic Abilities 101. Today`s class was just rescheduled for tomorrow. If you`re here now, you failed.
People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers.
Ex Girlfriend: Omg! I had a dream about you last night!! Ex Boyfriend: Aww thats so sweet, what happend? Ex Girlfriend: U died :)
Home is where you can say anything you want, because nobody listens to you anyway.
Dear Santa: I have been good for the past week or so. Lets just focus on that.
Saying something stupid and thinking “Yeah, that sounded way better in my head"
I want to put a bib on a baby that says "This dumbass put my cape on backwards." lol
Just once I would like to see a liars pants actually catch on fire
Getting older is pretty much just paying bills and finally understanding why killers in horror flicks target teenagers.
Today is National animals day, please take a moment to remember your ex :p:p:p.
If you don`t do stupid sh!t while you`re young, you`ll have nothing to talk about later in life while sitting at the bar.
I`m a big advocate of the `You started it` method of defense in an argument.
Yesterday my Supervisor asked why I was tardy and I said, "I don`t think you`re supposed call people that any more."
Having kids puts a new perspective on life.