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I carved my name in a fruitcake in 1982. If anyone gets it this year, post a pic!
The human body is roughly 60% water. I`m not fat, I`m flooded.
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra.
Remember, You’re only young once, but you can be immature forever.
Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they`re concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?
As an adult, I’m not eating nearly as much ice cream as 10 year old me thought I would.
I was planning on doing something today, but I haven`t finished doing nothing from yesterday.
4/20? More like 1/5. Stupid stoners forgot how to reduce their fractions.
I wouldn`t consider myself someone that litters but I do turn on my windshield wipers while im driving down the road to get rid of that useless flyer some idiot put on my car when I quickly run into the store.
Nice try salad bars, there`s only one kinda bar I plan on attending.
If you lose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children don’t know very much about children.
To calculate the average number of times a guy has sex per week, multiply the number of fantasy football leagues he`s in by the number zero.
I always say, your laundry is never completely done, unless you do it in the nude. Which probably explains the strange looks at the laundrymat this afternoon.
Honestly, I have no idea what I would even do with 5 hours of energy.