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So tell me, does it hurt to be so full of sh!t?
Early to bed, early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and a crappy party host.
Last night I got drunk and ate 3 tennis balls by mistake, f*ck you Pringle`s.
Hot singles in your area are dating each other while you sit alone staring at your phone.
Me: GUESS WHO BOUGHT A MEGAPHONE!? Neighbor: Get out of my house! Me: You`re not even guessing.
Sometimes people come into your life and they need to stop doing that
Its awkward touching hands with another man in a popcorn bag, especially if you don`t know the man & he doesn`t know you`re eating his popcorn
Taught a man how to buy fish ... So much easier.
Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Good friends don’t let you do dumb things… alone.
What sucks about those little hotel shampoo bottles is there`s no room for the directions so you kind of have to wing it.
The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
It`s not "you`re" or "your". It`s mine. It`s all mine, everything is mine!
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss