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Seems like everyone is either trying to pretend they have the life they want, or escape the life they have.
It`s hard to compliment a fake person without lying.
Recipes sound good until you realize that you don`t have $846 worth of spices in your house.
In my porno they`d deliver the pizza after they had sex because otherwise it`d just get cold.
is cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
I do my best proofreading after I hit `send`.
Remember ... I can always make it look like an accident.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. -Me with beer, me without beer
Sitting in traffic like the non-helicopter owning loser that I am.
All these women on the 48 dating sites I`ve joined, seem so f*cking sad and desperate.
Alcohol does not make you fat. It makes you lean. Mostly against walls, tables, chairs, bars, floors & occasionally, weirdos ..
I wonder who Jason Waterfalls is and why did TLC not want him to go...
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets!
All this time I thought Bi-Polar was big white bear with no sexual preference.
No matter how compelling and convincing the other person’s argument is, you can always win a debate by adding “yeah, but still” at the end.