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Lets face it we have all tried to get something done before the microwave timer goes off.
My TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
Going to McDonalds for a salad is like going to a prostitute for a hug
We should do this “3-day weekend” thing more often.
My advice for pretty much anything that`s broken is "did you try and jiggle it?".
I hope Karma smacks some people before I do.
The bouncer at the club calls me Kevin McAllister because I`m always going home alone
Unwritten Rule of the Day: Don´t make eye contact while eating a banana.
No one can be exactly like me. Even I have trouble doing it ;)
is pondering why people have a favorite color M&M when they all taste the same!
Who am I calling stupid?? Good question.... What`s your name?!
The longer I`m left unattended in the Drs office the more tongue depressors I can lick and put back in the jar..... Just sayin
Just hired two Private Investigators to follow each other. I`ll keep you posted......
The 4 stages of a relationship: 1. I like you 2. I love you 3. I hate you 4. Arson
I used to be poor. Then I bought a thesaurus, and now I`m impecunious.