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Financial status: I hope United Airlines drags me off my flight
I have something on my mind but I am not telling you, Facebook.
"Nineteen letters long" is 19 letters long.
When I drink alcohol.. everyone says I`m an alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. no one says I`m fantastic.
Sometimes not being in control is the most awesome feeling in the world.
I`m not drunk ... But I`m working on it.
You never see a church with free wifi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works.
Forget resolutions, Imma just say from now on... TGIS "Thank God I Survived" ! :)
I once dated a girl with a parrot. The thing was crazy and never shut up! The parrot was cool though.
Is it just me or does the word "retweet" bring up images of Elmer Fudd commanding an army on the defensive?
I`d like to thank Tetris for making me really good at loading my dishwasher.
So my kid secretly recorded me driving and singing and put it on social media if you needed to know how important birth control is today.
I dont believe in beating my kids, so I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt & crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me.
on a scale of 1-10 how honest are you? I would say 10 but then i would be lying!
I love giving orders. My favorite is "Another one. And make it a double."