Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I tried to log in on my ipad. Turns out it was an Etch-a-Sketch and I don`t own an ipad. Also, I`m out of vodka.
Back in my day, we had to remember phone numbers and give people directions and don`t get me started on the dinosaurs.
2 can keep a secret if one of them is dead...
I wish I could write `` I Miss You `` on a rock and throw it at your face, so you can know how much it HURTS to miss you
I don`t care how much you like the soap. Never leave a public restroom smelling your fingers.
Went to my friends house with my girlfriend today. As we walked in I noticed her phone automatically connected to his wifi. That f*cking slut.
Wanna come over for pizza and sex? I`m just kidding ... there`s no pizza.
If there`s no gravity underwater, why do mermaids need those seashell bra`s?
Every-time I walk over a sewer grate I look down into it hoping to catch a glimpse of a Ninja Turtle
Thinking of opening a bar right next to a gym and call it “Decisions, Decisions”.
What`s the point of blurring out the middle finger on TV, like oh you`ve fooled me, what`s behind that blur? Is it a monkey? A pencil?
I`m out like a fat kid playing dodge ball..
Trying to be less negative but it`ll never work.
I don`t know exactly who`s health I`m drinking to, but they`re going to be immortal at this rate
I quit beer every time I wake up hung over