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I hate buying feminine products! How am I supposed to know if this is the right kind of broom or not?
Rawwrrr means I love you in dinosaur. Everyone knows that, silly
Do you ever go on youtube just to watch a music video then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe?
Reverse Psychology: DO not STALK MY FB PAGE. YOU ARE not OBSESSED WITH ME...
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as "that weird thing I did for a while."
People saying "Laugh my a$$ off" and still having an a$$ next time I see them is the reason I have trust issues.
Suggested movie theater prices: Adults - $9.00, Under 12 - $ 6.00, Under 3 - $249.00
If you`re really really quiet, you can hear yourself doing the world a favor.
This weekend, a woman in colorado gave birth inside a Wal Mart. Apparently, its the first thing found in a Wal Mart not made in China.
Just once I`d like to see a stripper do the "Carlton" on stage.
Insanity does not run in my family. It strolls through, taking it`s time and getting to know each one of us personally.
If pigs really could fly I bet their wings would taste delicious.
Being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible
You know you’re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.
Of course it`s you....there`s no f*cking way it`s me...