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You ran a marathon? I ran like 5 red lights this week...
ATM is telling me I have insufficient funds. Worst part is I was just walking by minding my own business.
Weekends are like a orgasm.. It`s takes a lot to get there and when u finally do it`s over in no time
My cardio is shopping.
It`s scientifically proven the more you shut up then the less likely I am to punch you in the face.
Facebook- to help future generations discover if there`s ever been any mental illness in the family.
How does one get suspended with full pay and benefits? Asking for a friend who is actually me.
If you still wear a Calculator watch, my guess is you don’t need it to add up all the ladies you get….
Honk if you want to see my finger.
7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.
for every like, I will fart on my wife face
Thank god that racist basketball guy showed up or we`d still be talking about how we`re not finding that airplane.
I don`t go on Facebook much so Dave, if you`re seeing this, thanks for the invite to your 2007 New Year`s party, hope you had fun dude.
I want to live in a world where it’s never too late for breakfast food and never too early for pizza.
has a Massive drinking problem ... there is no alcohol in the house!