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Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs.
Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
You know you are getting old when you see girls from TEEN category moved to MATURE & MILFS.
You call it being sober. I call it on my way to the liquor store.
I hate it when I mean to buy seedless grapes but instead I accidentally get...well you know...Oreos.
When I`m in a good mood I act like I`m in a bad mood so nobody approaches me and ruins my good mood.
Grabbing a drink after work is perfectly fine.However, you look like an alcoholic when your getting that drink at 6am.
If I am home alone, there`s a 99% chance I`m naked.
If I pretend to be dead will you stop talking?
Give a man a jacket, and he will stay warm when he goes outside. Teach a man to jack it, and he won`t go outside at all.
Smoke a joint before hitting a buffet to really get your money`s worth...Just saying.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!! (To all of my FB friends, please don`t read this until the appropriate day)
Tomorrow I`m going to start using big words to sound smart....Sorry, I meant utilizing gargantuan idioms to simulate intelligence
I am better off now than I was 4 beers ago...
I`ve been having real problems with nuisance phone calls lately. The most common one seems to be "You said you`d be home from the bar three f*cking hours ago!"