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I like the parts of the day when food happens.
I once dated a meteorologist just so I could be with a woman who wasn`t right all the time.
Music is best when it’s louder than I can think.
"I guess you`re right." - No one on the internet ever
Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate.
I gave my boyfriend a glue stick instead of a Chapstick last weekend, and he`s still not talking to me!
Non alcohilic beer, for people who like to pee but hate that annoying buzz.
I said I was good at making decisions. I didn`t say the decisions I made were good.
why me is me ?
I’m beginning to think that I buy bananas just to watch them die a slow death in my kitchen.
ALERT: Missing Unicorn...if you find it, you`re probably high
"I smell carrots. Do you smell carrots? `cause I smell carrots..." ~ Snowmen.
Can you imagine if Facebook and Twitter just decided to shut down and you see all these confused people coming out of their house squinting at the sun.
People go on and on about the length of Subway`s sandwiches but how come nobody talks about their girth?
Whoever named anteaters, solid effort right there.