Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I can`t wait for the day when my kids are old enough that I can drink with them and not because of them.
Just drank a `coffee to go` while sitting. Screw the system!
I thought we had something. You met my family, made us dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”
Turkish ruler Erdogan was at the White House this week. Sources say he arrived very early so he could beat the crowd.
Night people could take over the world if we weren’t so busy finding something good on TV.
When a girl tells you that she just had her period, you are officially in the friendzone.
Each day is a gift, but some days are socks and underwear
If we could master the look dogs have when we’re eating in front of them, we’d be able to have sex with any woman at will.
I read an article the other day that said if you drink every day you are an alcoholic. Thank God I only drink every night.
Wish some of my co workers weren`t allowed in the break room... Because that`s who I usually need a break from.
Yes, that`s correct. And the horse you rode in on.
My last request: At my funeral, someone come up at the end and padlock my coffin shut, just to freak everyone out.
Welcome to fight club..., you may now kiss the bride.
I`m at my most cardio when I am moving the treadmill into storage
Is there really a need for constipation medicines and stool softeners in a world where burritos and tacos exist?