Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just shaved my legs. I think I lost three pounds.
It`s okay, Web MD. I don`t really know what`s wrong with me either.
So my friend is mad at me because I slept with her ex. Her instructions were very clear when they broke up, she said "F*ck that guy!"
I try to avoid things that make me fat, like scales, mirrors, and photographs.
The way my kids act at Walmart, it`s just a matter of time before the security camera footage is a hit reality show!
Hardest question in a relationship, "What do you feel like eating?"
What do they give the person that has everything? antibiotics
I thought I`d try yoga to make myself more flexible, but I`m still incredibly stubborn.
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
Stop waiting for the perfect moment. Take a moment and make that sh!t perfect.
The nice thing about being a guy is your underwear only costs $10 for a 3-pack.
Easy come, easy go describes my last 12 cases of beer and 17 relationships.
Apparently it`s ok to leash your dog to a bike rack, but it`s illegal to leash your kid to one. Parenting is hard...
How long do I have to lay on the couch in the same position before I can call it "yoga"?
Sometimes I do totally awesome and amazing things just to throw people off.