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I`m getting all dressed up. Have a feeling I might be on COPS tonight.
I must say I enjoy it more when a girl asks me out. To me, there`s nothing more attractive than that high level of confidence, initiative, and poor judgment.
So how many women out there think men are pigs? Gimme a show of tits!
Thank you Super Bowl for reminding all Americans how bad we really are at understanding Roman numerals
My therapist said that I needed to find healthier ways of expressing my anger. So I decided to jog home after setting fire to my ex`s car.
Some of these Giraffe profile pictures are a vast improvement.
It`s not really stalking if you don`t catch me doing it.
I’m “had to actually call a girl on the home phone to ask her out while hoping my mom didn’t pick up and start dialing” years old.
If you`re sick and tired of every Asshole on Facebook asking you to copy and paste stuff as your status, please copy and paste this as your status.
is a mystery you´ll never solve
I legitimately thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I`m in New York.
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought "that`s a fair trade."
I was pretty disappointed when my boss said we can`t do throw-back Thursday, or bring tequila shots to work
I eat my Chinese food just like any other American, with chopsticks, one grain of rice at a time.
People without kids: I`ll never yell at my kids ... People with kids: I DONT KNOW WHY SOMEONE SPIT THEIR GUM ON THE ROAD, JUST WALK!