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I`ve tried several times, but I can`t pet a cat without plotting world domination.
We should do this “3-day weekend” thing more often.
So in between the 4 seconds that I missed your call and managed to call ya back, you`ve fallen off the face of the earth?
Babe, you look Hot! Is your air conditioner broken?
Men are like dogs. We`re excited to see you, and we have no idea what you`re mad about.
I`m confused as to whether I`m supposed to leap or hump today.
Did you ever stop to think that maybe vodka is addicted to ME?
Looks don’t matter to me if you’re attractive.
The closest I ever got to murdering is when I held a Oreo cookie in milk until the bubbles stop.
status uploading
I worry about people who write "taken" in their bios. Where did they go? Who took them and why aren`t we helping to find them?
Sorry I`m late, my alarm didn`t go off, because I didn`t set it ... because I don`t like coming here
My home security system is just 15 motion-activated Big Mouth Billy Basses.
I say No to drugs but they... won`t listen.
I fake my lol`s