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I find you`re total lack of ambition is inspiring.
Wine: How classy people get trashed.
I learned how to kiss passionately by practicing on my hand, but now it just uses me for sex.
Being rich doesn`t equal happiness but i`d rather cry in a ferrari
To clear a pop-up ad online, I was just forced to agree that "I don`t care about being healthy and smelling clean."
If you`re stuck in a group text, one easy way to get out is to throw your phone in the ocean and start a new life.
Every time I hear the phrase, "Fire at will!", I can`t help but wonder, "What did Will do?!"
I do 5 sit ups daily. It might not sound like much, but there`s only so many times you can hit the snooze button.
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
I can`t possibly f*ck up the entire universe, so that`s a relief.
The only stock options I have are chicken and beef.
We should remove the warning labels from everything and let the stupidity problem take care of itself.
I never thought I`d be the kind of person who`d wake up early in the morning to exercise ... And I was right.
All of my plans for the future start out with “when I get rich”
The best part about growing old with you is that I`ll always be the younger one.