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I bet Miley Cyrus is eating Twerky right now.
I have a feeling my check liver light will come on this weekend
A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
There`s a fine line between crazy and free spirited and it`s usually a prescription.
On the Internet you can be anything you want ... It`s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.
They should paint the bottom of swimming pools with satellite photos so it feels like you’re flying.
Neighbor said hi again. I`m just gonna move
Just so you know, I am already planning on being an a$$hole tomorrow.
Just realized all books are different combinations of the same 26 letters. This is BS!
I used to be in a band called "missing cat". You`ve probably seen our poster.
I hate it when spiders just sit there acting like they pay rent.
Dear Diary, the ugly woman at the bank cut in front of me today." Woman: "EXCUSE ME?!" [whispers]"Dear Diary, I think she can hear me."
School was so much easier when 2 plus 2 equaled 4 instead of "X." Whoever decided to involve the alphabet in math deserves a solid punch to the face.
I broke a mirror now I`m looking at 7 years bad luck... but my lawyer thinks he can get me off with 3
If anxiety was good for weight loss, I`d be back to my birth weight.