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I propose we change the names of the upper case P and lower case p to "P standing up" and "p sitting down."
twinkle twinkle little star ... point me to the nearest bar.
Counting to ten when someone pisses you off works much better if you`re counting punches.
I could write an entire book on excuses,,, but I have to pick my grandma up at the airport.
I wish my bladder had a snooze button.
If it wasn`t for pizza delivery, you wouldn`t see me shoveling a walkway.
Just got back from a job fair. Very disappointed. They didn`t have one damn ride.
They should just go ahead and put a volume setting on my TV that says "Eating Doritos".
If I had a nickel for every time I`ve misplaced my keys, there`d be a jarful of money I would also have to look for
Thank you, true crime show, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
I`d like to thanks all the girls for wearing yoga pants. It is the only reason why we`re not complaining about how cold this winter it
Neighbors at it again. I do NOT want to know the words to "Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus!
10 million people share the same birthday as you. Your personalized horoscope means sh!t.
“Until death do us part,” means we will all be single in heaven, right?
HR says I`m not allowed to scream "OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP" when I walk through the front door at work anymore :(