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My car is so old the high beam switch is on the floor...
The only way you can be right in an argument with a woman is by admitting you`re wrong.
Why do people with really bad breath always want to tell you secrets?
Omg!! got 6 numbers on the Lotto.. and the stupid machine didn´t pick any of them
If a girl can kick your a$$ at video games, she’s a keeper.
The cat seems really pissed off. He must have only had 22 hours sleep.
Relax… We’re all crazy.. It’s not a competition.
It`s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
We`re all mature until someone pulls out bubble wrap.
I bet genies were a real thing until one jerk wished for genies not to exist anymore.
I`m at the facebook saloon, drinking all night long
My bank lets me send a text message and it will text back with my balance. Its a cool feature but I didn`t think the LOL was necessary.
It would be funny if the husband is actually sleeping with the Jake from state Farm.
"I love you unconditionally*." -God *certain terms and conditions apply. See Bible for more details.
Does anybody know how many toddlers you have to bring to `Toys For Tots` before you`re eligible for an Xbox?