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I have this condition that prevents me from going on a diet. I get hungry.
You know you`re addicted to your iphone when you start using your fingers to zoom into things on your laptop computer. Or a printed photo. Or a book. Or your watch.
How about putting that screaming kid on vibrate
The only time my wife will ever scream "DEEPER, DEEPER" is when they are lowering my casket into the ground
I don`t care what people think of me. It can`t be half as bad as what I think of them...
For every action, there’s an equal and opposite reaction. Plus a social media overreaction.
When someone says I love you over the phone and you don`t feel the same, just say `I love youtube` but say it really fast!
I can tell a police officer is gay by the way he writes me a ticket instead of letting me off with a warning.
If people rode their spouses like they did their brakes the divorce rate would drop drastically.
Definition of insanity - Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results
How does one get suspended with full pay and benefits? Asking for a friend who is actually me.
The only thing us men clean at home is our browser history
I want it all and I want it delivered.
If at first you don`t succeed...Do it the way your wife told you to. ;)
I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month.