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Karma is like a rubber-band: it can only stretch so far before it comes back and smacks you in the face.
If by crunches you mean Captain Crunch cereal, then yes I do crunches.
I asked my girlfriend if she was ok with me buying her a ring. She said "nothing would make me happier!" So I got her nothing.
...you ever ponder why that page was intentionally left blank?
How about putting that screaming kid on vibrate
If you see someone wearing camouflage clothing, bump into them. It only takes a second of your time & it makes them feel like it works.
Weekends are like a orgasm.. It`s takes a lot to get there and when u finally do it`s over in no time
Someone just told me to "Have a good morning". What about the rest of my day mother f*cker?
Reasons to get out of bed: None.
If you just show up to a delivery room in scrubs and carry a video camera you can usually film like 7 or 8 births before they throw you out
Apparently a teen in Brazil died after jerking off 42 times without stopping. So incase you were wondering. ...41, guys,...that`s the limit.
HR wants me to give myself a self evaluation. This will be the first and last time they make this mistake.
Please be careful on the roads. Lots of people are drinking exsessively and letting their wives drive.
2015 and I still can`t believe it`s not butter!
Boyfriend: Why do you watch the Food Network it doesn’t make your cooking any better? Girlfriend: Why do you watch porn?