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I like the part of the day when food happens.
Hey, Dude who flips me off for honking at him in the parking lot, your groceries are on top of your car.
On my bucket list: To be chased through a kitchen at a Chinese restaurant like in the movies.
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
I`m having one of those days where my middle finger is answering every question!!!
If I`ve learned anything from Facebook, it`s that you shouldn`t be learning on Facebook.
Baby gates are parents` way of saying "this area is locked until you’ve gained more experience."
Seems like we would be just fine with about half as many types of pasta
F*ck It - My final thought before making decisions.
m for Monday t for Tuesday wtf Wednesday Thursday Friday get it wtf
You think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror? Try breaking a condom.
I see dead people. Well technically they`re stupid people, but give me a few minutes
The only thing instant glue sticks to instantly is fingers.
We should be nicer to old people. When they walked uphill both ways in the snow they had to do it without an internet connection too.
I had lunch with a chess player yesterday. It took him 20 minutes to pass the salt.