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You know you`ve won the argument when the other person responds with "Whatever..."
Exercise... the poor person`s plastic surgery
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Theirye’re, problem solved.
Maybelline claims to make eyelashes appear three times longer…..I think they should start making condoms.
My first crush was in kindergarten. I instantly knew I was doomed when she colored Neatly and Perfectly inside every line with a smug, superior smile
I was all depressed last night, so I called "Lifeline". Got a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck
You know what`s the best part about waking up early? Nothing, it sucks!
I never get caught because I`ve watched all 27 seasons of Cops..
The sound of children laughing makes me happy. Unless I`m home alone and my power goes out.
When it`s raining I don`t work, when its sunny I don`t work, when its cloudy I call in sick!
Decided to cut back on my beer drinking. Fortunately, this martini is helping me through this tough time.
I´m playing hide and seek with the kids right now and they´ll never find me, because they aren´t old enough to drive or get into this bar.
If you don`t believe that women will actually fight over a pair of shoes, you`ve never watched The Wizard of Oz!
For just once in my life I want my phone to ring and for someone on the other end to ask if I`m on a `secure line`