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I socially identify as the guy who tried to jump off of the sinking Titanic but ending up hitting a massive propeller on the way down.
If I pay $30 for a haunted house I better die.
there are so many scams on the internet now...... Send me $19.95 an I`ll tell you how you can avoid them
Sometimes it’s funnier when you DON’T add “lol” at the end. lol
I gave up on humanity when I picked up this girl`s phone and saw that my number was saved as Free Food.
All I heard was, " I swear it`ll be funny" and then we were in jail.
"May the 4th" be with you!
Hey NFL, solution to your recent problem, start allowing players to hit each other on the field again
My apartment is so dirty that I actually lost my last girlfriend to the 5 second rule.
The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.
There I was, watching a advertisement when a YouTube video rudely interrupts it...
"Crazy" is just another name for "Someone who knows how to have fun"
If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet inhabited by intelligent life, let’s just make patterns in their crops and leave.
Spiderman is just another guy who ends up with sticky hands and covered in white stuff after being on the web.
Missed connection: you were washing your car in a bathing suit. I rode past your house 78 times. You threw a rock at me.