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So I´ve narrowed it down and I´m either gonna start a motorcycle gang or take a nap.
Jealously is something you’re good at when you suck at everything else.
Things were said. Feelings were hurt. Your car was set on fire. My point is you’re wrong & Raphael isn’t the best Ninja Turtle. Get over it.
It`s so cold outside I had to put Jack in my Coke to keep it from freezing.
Some day I wanna be "change my oil every 3000 miles" rich!
List of things I’ve accomplished today: 1. Accomplishments List
Remember to make some bad decisions today. 20 years from now that’s all you’ll have to make your kids think you’re cool.
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
Tired of those Political Ads on television?...... You may be entitled to compensation.
Got tasered at speed dating again.
Being a parent means hiding in a closet to eat a donut so you don`t have to share.
The only thing I`ve learned from my mistakes is that I make a whole bunch of them
How do you make your wife scream during sex?? Call her and tell her about it.
Why is it called `after dark`, when it is really after light
Sometimes I send status updates from my phone so it looks like I left the house.