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I got called pretty today! Well actually the full statement was "you`re pretty annoying!" But I only focus on positive things
If I won the lottery, I don`t think I would change much. I`d still be the same asshole, just one in a helicopter.
You`ve reached the limitations of my medications.
I`m just here until I can make day drinking a full time job
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands!
Dear parents of college students on Spring Break, Congrats! Many of you are about to be grandparents!
We will always have that special 5 minutes before I started creeping you out.
Someone’s therapist knows all about you.
I think I could be a farmer. Except for the dirt, waking up early, wearing overalls and planting crops. But I wouldn’t mind driving a tractor around.
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated…but can’t pronounce it.
You`re single? BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. Yea me too.
Have you ever been cutting a piece of pager with scissors and worried that you might cut an atom in half and destroy the world?
A woman saying "I`m not mad at you" is like a dentist saying "You won`t feel a thing."
I can`t relate to people who "forget to eat"
Played Naked Twister last night and man, did it get RAUNCHY!....I can`t imagine what it would be like with other people.