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I plan on getting "sidewalk nap" drunk tonight.
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
These animal crackers are crap, this elephant tastes exactly like that giraffe did.
Every time I stop making bad decisions, I get more and more boring.
Who wants to do something we will regret in the morning? Anyone?
? Taken ? Single ? So sexy that they’re all scared to go out with me.
When people tell me that I’ve changed, I want to shake them and tell them: “And so should you!”
I make a great second impression.
There are only two types of honest people in this world.....small children and drunk people.
A young man gets sent to jail,and gets put into a jail cell with a convict the size of the Incredible Hulk. After lights out, he hears a whisper from the top bunk."Let`s play Mommy and Daddy. Who do you wanna be?" Thinking quick, the man says "daddy." "Then come up here and suck Mommy`s d!ck."
I almost forgot to upload a pic of my Starbucks coffee. What a waste of coffee that would have been!
Join us in calling for a total ban of people. They are extremely dangerous. If you know any people, report them at once to the authorities.
I`m fresh out of hopes and dreams. Can I interest any of you in despair and disappointment?
Unless you are selling Thin Mints, don’t ever knock on my door.
I went shopping for some camouflage trousers earlier. Couldn’t find a pair anywhere.