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Ended a relationship today. Don`t worry, it wasn`t mine.
"Slow and steady wins the race." Unless it`s one of those weird races that puts an emphasis on speed
I`m confused, oh wait, maybe I`m not.
When I drink alcohol.. everyone says I`m an alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. no one says I`m fantastic.
My personality is 30% the last movie I watched.
Life is not fair. But life is not fair for everyone, which actually makes it fair.
When you’re old, my kids will be in charge. I’m so, so sorry.
I am at the gym! Well, the parking lot. They have free wi-fi.
just watched my first full episode of jersey shore... #ashamed of new entertainment
Burned almost a thousand calories with the elliptical machine today. Moved it into the basement, that thing is heavy!
Jodi Arias dating O J Simpson now that would be a hell of a relationship
Don`t you just love it when you see someone who is photogenic, looks perfect in every picture but then when you see them in person you`re like EURGH God Damn! What happened to you in the last 24h!
I`d rather SH!T in my hands and clap!
I would tell you to go to he!! but all dogs go to heaven.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the sane one.