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I might not be a great example, but I´m one hell of a good warning.
Why is it socially acceptable to wear a bikini at the beach but not on the bus? At the end of the day I’m just a guy in a bikini on the bus.
What does it mean if the Holy Water sizzles when it hits your skin? (asking for a friend)
Mother mosquito: Hey kiddo, how was your first flight? kid mosquito: Great mom! Everyone was clapping for me.
When pornstars get up to speak in front of a large group, do they picture people with their clothes on?
It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
I`m not an asshole, I`m just the only one who has the balls to say what everyone else is thinking.
I can’t wait until I get that job at Starbucks because I’m going to spell everyone’s name wrong so they can’t instagram their cups.
My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.
I gave my dog a middle name today, so he knows when he`s really in trouble.
My walk of shame is when I have to take all the the empty Taco Bell bags out of my car and bring them to the garbage can.
Hey dumb a$$. Not everything I post pertains to you. Just the stuff that starts with Hey dumb a$$.
I wake up everyday planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says “haha good one” and we laugh and laugh and take a nap.
No thanks, Inspirational guy, but I am only on Facebook for the jokes and the meltdowns.
Halloween is great because kids just show up at your door and hold out bags of candy for you to steal