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I have just one word for beautiful women with questionable morals, poor decision making skills and an insatiable sex drive ..."Hi"
www.amish.com. How did this happen?
"I love Justin bieber" well I love McDonalds but you don`t see me making an account pretending to be a f*cking chicken nugget do you...
A “buttload” of underwear would be exactly one pair.
My neighbors look at me in a very weird way.. it’s like they never saw a guy with binoculars before.
If one door closes & another door opens, you’re probably in prison.
People say there are plenty of fish in the sea, well that is nice and all but I’m human, I don’t date fish.
Feeding my kid cold pizza. They will be off to college soon and preparation is the key to success.
Digging through a box in the closet, I found a picture of me sitting on Santa`s lap. Hard to believe that was almost a year ago.
I just found a piece of pizza in my trash can. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!
Step aside coffee, this job is going to take hard liquor.
If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you.
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole. jk
I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best looking guy in the world, but.... Oh, hell. Now I`m depressed.
My New Year`s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.