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Word on the street is... Lol. Jk. I don`t go outside.
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$
Gym Update: Not there.
"I`m sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing...except when you`re at a funeral.
I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.
Shout out to bees, willing to kill themselves just to inconvenience a hater.
I`m not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell.
Raising teenagers is easy, they sleep 16 hours day, eat the other 8, and the only word in their vocab is "ok"
Yes, it`s a bad time. Let me call you back when I`m not feeling so honest.
My doctor said I need to workout with dumb-bells. Would any of you like to go jogging with me?
Hey rumor has it, that if you look up from your phone you can see all kinds of pretty colors in the trees this time of year.
Going to the skate park to watch people fall.
Didn`t think my day could get any better but my robe has pockets so boom, there you go.
When reality kicks in… add more booze.
*Goes to the gym. Takes a selfie in front of the weights. Leaves.