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The problem with frozen yogurt is that it`s not ice cream.
If you listen real closely, you can hear my alarm clock laughing as I set it.
I get carried away sometimes… Usually because I refuse to leave.
DUI attorneys should buy some ad space on those Taco Bell hot sauce packets.
Another day where I`m not skinny, rich or famous. Getting real tired of this sh*t.
Saying "I`m offended" is basically telling the world you can`t control your own emotions so everyone else should do it for you.
"Cannot connect to network. Reset your wireless router." "Umm, okay, but what if my router is in my neighbour`s house? Should I call him?"
Just changed my wireless network name in my apartment to "I can hear you having sex through the ceiling and it sounds mediocre."
Multitasking? I’m not even good at unitasking.
I can`t wait to find my soul mate so I can start sleeping on the couch.
Good news: I finally got my computer connected to the wireless printer. Bad news: not sure which house I need to go to get my documents.
Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!
Idea: maybe the police force for a town of 20,000 shouldn`t have access to weapons you ordinarily need cheat codes to get
I have no idea how I used to look for things in the dark before I had a cellphone.
I like to think the automatic soap dispenser is just really happy to see me.