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If it’s called tourist season, why can’t you shoot at them?
Behind every strong woman is a man that she needs to open jars and get things off high shelves.
my ex girlfriends started they`re own website they call it two faced book...
We laughed, we cried, we tried another credit card.
I hate it when I mentally undress a woman and my OCD kicks in and I start folding her clothes.
If McDonald`s was smart they`d serve breakfast until 2pm on the weekends.
Just belted the dog in the drivers seat and pushed the car up to the drive-thru window
Wish I turned into a wolf every month instead of getting my period
If its true we`re here to help others, then what exaclty are the others here for?
The best way to a woman`s heart is by saying three words - You lost weight.
Moving all my retirement funds into a Colorado snack machine franchise.
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die!
I try to conduct myself as a perfect gentleman whenever I meet a lady. Chicks dig that.
When the machines rise up against the humans, just pray to your God that you`re nowhere near a dildo factory.
Yeah... I may be old... But I`m still hot..... They just come in flashes now!