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not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
Maybe I`m the good kind of fat like an avocado.
My TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
My next relationship will be with someone who thinks "Wine" is a perfectly acceptable answer when he asks what`s for dinner.
!f yhu T@k yk d!$, then dont talk to me.
Friday is like a superhero that always arrives just in time to prevent me from savagely beating my coworkers with a keyboard.
One day on Mercury lasts about 1,400 hours. Roughly the same as one Monday on earth feels.
The closest I`ve ever come to eating better is eating butter.
Is it sexual harasment to say ho ho ho to a female coworker?
Hey sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.
I was standing in front of the mirror eariler, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
A day without sunshine is like, you know... night
My doctor told me to watch my drinking. So I’m off to find a bar with a mirror.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but i turned myself around and THAT`S what it`s all about
Why does the sound of the recliner opening always remind my wife the trash needs to be taken out?