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On my tombstone I want it to say: ‘I didn’t forward the text message to 15 friends.” ;)
There’s both a McDonald’s and a blood pressure machine in this Walmart. Circle of life.
I passed a homeless guy who asked "Any change!?" I said "Nope, your still dirty and homeless". We laughed and laughed and then he stabbed me
Never let your printer know you`re in a rush, those bastards smell fear
I said I was good at making decisions. I didn`t say the decisions I made were good.
The problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude about the problem.
Women have to deal with periods, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause and hot flashes. Men have to deal with women.
Bike helmets only protect you from looking cool.
Another tragedy today in the music industry.....Justin Beiber was just found alive in his apartment. :(
I`m "got my sexual education from a 2 Live Crew cassette tape" years old.
Immature is just a word boring people use to describe fun people.
How can society expect me to be a mature productive member of it I don`t even know if it`s spelled gray or grey
My posts come from a dark place.. I haven`t paid my light bill in 3 months.
If I could time-travel, forget killing baby Hitler. I`d go back to use every come back I ever thought of 10 minutes too late.
Chillin: the art of doing nothing without being bored.