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I think the cats are hording all the single women out there...
Nice try Jehovah’s Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to open my door.
Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom`s wise words: "Don`t pick that up!! You don`t know where it`s been!!"
I’m exhausted just thinking of everything I have to do.
My personality is 30% the last movie I watched.
It`s funny how you think it`s your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep.
Anyone that says I`m a lover not a fighter has clearly never been in a relationship over 6 months
Sea levels aren’t rising due to global warming. They are rising due to the increase in obesity. The continents are actually sinking…
It`s so cold out I`ve turned 50 Shades Of Blue!
I was going to do a time travelling joke but you guys didn`t like it.
You always remember your first Crush. Mine was Orange.
The Internet: where no one is afraid to say the first thing that pops into their head.
The filling in this fortune cookie tastes like paper...
Nobody really dates anymore. You just make eye contact, text, hang out, and next thing you know all her clothes are in your closet....
I dont think I could ever stab someone.. I barely can get the straw into a Capri Sun.