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It`s amazing what you`ll wear in public when you`re not trying to have sex with anyone.
I`ve had like 10 red bulls, so of course I`m vacuuming the front yard.
Whoever said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery hasn`t had a 7yo mimicking their every word for the last 10 minutes.
Some people say a true friend stabs you in the front. Iām gonna go ahead and say a true friend just puts the knife down.
I don`t understand fat homeless people. What are you eating? Broken hopes and dreams?
If I don`t clean my house soon, someone is going to bring in blindfolded ppl for a Frebreeze commercial.
I`d like to eat healthy, but we all know what happened that time Eve ate an apple. Best not to risk it.
A house is not a home until you can find all light switches in the dark.
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
I changed siri to a male voice and now my car keeps taking me to strip clubs and auto parts stores
this isn`t the status you`re looking for
I have no idea how I use to get around in the dark before I had a cell phone.
I was just watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury.. No worries, I should be okay in a couple of days..
My haters only have one advantage over me. They can kiss my a$$, I can`t.
I like to think all pizzas are personal pizzas.