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You health nuts are gonna feel real stupid when you`re laying in the hospital dying of nothing.
Guns don`t kill people. Girls who get tagged in a photo before they get a chance to see it kill people.
The phrase “Don’t take this the wrong way.” has a zero percent success rate.
That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to Bounce of 3 walls, Knock over a lamp and kill a cat.
Make sure your goals are unattainable so you`ll feel a little better about giving up later
All my bills say "outstanding", I guess that means I`m good to go!
Before criticizing my taste, remember that I like you.
Every Instagram caption should just be, "ARE YOU JEALOUS OF MY LIFE YET??"
Look in the mirror and tell me that God does not have a sense of humor.
Ya .... That Supermoon was OK ..... But I was quite disappointed when I realized it didn`t even have a cape.
Well that’s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I’m doing
For some reason, I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why!
How strange, some guy just waved half of a peace sign at me...
I wish I was Robinson Cruso. Coz, I can have `Friday` everyday :) TGIF guys..cheers ;)
My IQ? ... With google or without?