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We´re responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.
There is nothing sadder than waking and turning to see the love of your life`s face to find she has deflated in the night.
It’s proving very difficult to find a shop selling “Left Guard” for my other armpit…
Condom slogan: Wrap it in latex or she`ll get your paychecks.
I will not let people drive me crazy because I know it`s in walking distance.
Social networking sites is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves
Do you know what this house is missing? A box of $#!+, Let`s get a cat.
I would like to be a Disney Princess...You know, where I have random animals showing up to help with the housework!
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does
Ladies, if you want men to look at your face and not your chest, eat a banana.
In grade school it’s called bullying but when you get older it’s referred to as upper level management.
Google must be a woman...it knows everything.
I`m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
Remember before you give the finger from the safety of your car, not everyone has a schedule to keep.
I just bought some new deodorant yesterday. The instructions said to remove the top and push up bottom. My butt hurts now but every time I fart the room smells awesome.