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Sometimes, I use big words I don`t always fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
That horrible feeling you get when you`re not asleep anymore.
They say if the palm of your hand itches, you`re going to get something. And if your crouch itches, you`ve already got it.
Me: spends 12 hours comparing teams before completing NCAA bracket, loses $50. GF: Spends 5 minutes picking teams with "cute" mascot names, wins $1000.
There are a few people I`d like to go to bed with but I can`t think of a single person I`d like to wake up with.
Dear Diary, men think about sex every 7 seconds. I do that with pizza.
Definition of insanity - Doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results
Just when I think my confidence couldn`t be shakier, some shitty website tells me I have a "Weak Password"
Do transformers have health insurance or car insurance???
My boss told me that if I can`t show up sober then don`t bother coming to work tomorrow. Three day weekend!
Don`t let anyone tell you what you can`t accomplish. That`s what self-doubt is for.
To hell with the "dislike" button! i think we need a "who cares" button, a "WTF" button and a "STFU!" button. just saying.... Oh and a "lol" button because i just get tired of writing it! lol!
Life would be perfect if: Mondays were fun, junk food was healthy, drama didn’t exist, and goodbyes were only until tomorrow.
RIP to my hair dryer. It was the only thing to blow me for the last 10 years and never complain.
There`s actually a website designed to simulate what it`s like to be the sole survivor of a nuclear holocaust, it`s called MySpace.