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Look up procrastinator on Wikipedia and you`ll see a picture of me. Well there isn’t yet, but there will be. Probably by tomorrow. Maybe Tuesday.
Couples have an amount they can spend up to without discussing with each other. Mine is around $50. My wife`s is around $643.27. Apparently
Of course women dont fart. They never shut up long enough to build up pressure
I love therapy sessions because I get to cry for an hour. It usually freaks out my patient, though.
So I didn`t want to wake up this morning and go to work. It`s not that I don`t like my job, it`s just that I like being lazy more.
Wow! it`s late.. I need to hit the sack........ Then go to bed.
I got pulled over for drunk driving last night. In my defense I didn`t even know I was driving.
I always get a nice safe feeling whenever I see a police car and I realize I`m not driving around with a trunkful of cocaine.
Relationship status: Runs alone at night in hopes of being abducted.
Girls are like parking spots all the good ones are taken and the rest are to far away
Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your misery
If you watch Jurassic Park backwards, it`s an uplifting film about dinosaurs and people who work together to rebuild an island.
Without ME, it’s just AWESO.
Actually, when I went to New Orleans, I blacked out too.
Roses are cars, violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Eyeballs.