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Whoever named the seesaw probably didn’t get another chance to name stuff.
I got called pretty today! Well actually the full statement was "you`re pretty annoying!" But I only focus on positive things
Dear Microsoft Office Word I am pretty sure I spelled my name correct
Sometimes “Girl`s night out” means she has just taken her bra off
Guys, want to find out all of your flaws in under a minute? Just ask your girlfriend if she`s gained weight.
If you`re gonna label the silica gel "do not eat", maybe you should label everything in the box. I almost ate a shoe before someone stopped me
If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other
My favorite form of lying to myself is choosing a deodorant scent that contains the words `active` or `sport` in it`s name
They used to be called "jumpolines" until you jumped on one...
My cat just dragged in a half eaten sausage, I have no idea where he got it from but it tastes expensive.
I don`t need your advice. I do a great job of screwing up my life all by myself, thank you!
You could pleasure me just by walking away.
That awkward moment when you can’t tell if it’s a Halloween costume or their regular clothes…
Note to Self: These Note to Selves don’t work.
Next time you take your dog for a walk, dress like a cop & pretend to be searching the neighborhood for drugs.