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You can tell a guy has a woman in his life when he remembers to do stuff like put on deodorant and wipe his butt most of the time!
Sorry I`m late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.
If kindness really kills, you`ll always be completely safe around me.
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant. Agree or nah??
If at first you don`t succeed, try drinking a beer while you do it. You`ll be amazed of how much less you care..
I saw a spider in my bathtub. So I took a tissue and very, very carefully, burned the house down.
My neighbors complained that I never mow my lawn. So I started mowing. The cops showed up at 3 a.m.. These neighbors are never happy...
As a nation, we may be spending our children`s money, but at my house, it`s the other way around.
Whatever doesn’t kill me makes me all like, “Whoa! That was close!”
I wish I could get excited as a redneck drinking cheap beer and watching cars go around in circles for hours.
Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
I would like my FB friends to know that the opinions and comments I make on FB in no way reflect the actual thoughts, opinions or actions of me, or my family. Its all for fun. The only posts that I actually mean are the same ones you agree with.
C`mon Netflix, we both know I`m watching the next episode. Just go ahead and start it.
Walmart has their new Savings Catcher app... I`m thinking savings isn`t the only thing you will catch ...
Some days you just can`t get home to your liquor fast enough