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You`d think the nerds on The Big Bang could fix that stupid elevator.
Sometimes I think of something so wrong and inappropriate that my little black heart skips a beat with delight.
"This is the ride that killed Jimmy." - me in a long line, loudly, at amusement parks
Remember the good old days when LOL meant "Laugh out loud" and not "I can`t think of a good reply"?
You can`t fight Destiny. Because if you try to fight Destiny, then you have to fight the bouncers and the rest of the strippers too...
Helpful Tip: When your wife ask whats on TV, don`t say dust.
Despite the old saying, "Don`t take your troubles to bed", many women still sleep with their husbands.
OH I´m sorry! I didn´t realise you were giving me a dirty look. I just thought you were ugly like that all the time!
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life
I eat a whole pizza before I go to the gym, because a good workout begins with low self-esteem.
Due To ObamaCare and the poor economy Holiday Cheer this year will be distributed in Shot Glasses...
Those raccoons must of had one heck of a party last night!!!! That`s the 4th one I`ve seen passed out on this road
Whoever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard.
Someone stole my identity and returned it 10 minutes later.
I’m over the 30-day ab challenge ... Is there a 30-day nap challenge I can take on?