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You just don`t see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
Alcohol doesn´t solve any problems ... but then again, neither does milk.
Hmmmm, thats odd. . . .According to this height / weight chart. . . . I`m too short.
I`m not really much of a plumber, but I have laid some pipe before.
Nothing says poor life choices like the guy with the half smoked cigarette behind his ear
You don`t look like 200 likes in person
Thank you for informing me that you have a stick figure family of 6 and a dog. Your minivan had me under the impression that you were wild and single.
Don`t judge. Maybe I`m conducting a study of the effects of prolonged laziness on a human body. You don`t know.
My favorite part of the movie The Notebook is where I turned it off and watched Terminator 2 instead.
At this point in life, my greatest chance of having a threesome will be sex with a schizophrenic.
I don`t like selfish people. I saw this guy pushing like 50 carts at Wal-mart last night. Really? You think someone else might want one?
Being an American is awesome. The end.
To be clever can be difficult without caffiene.
I wonder if New York people find it weird to watch their own city being destroyed in Hollywood movies so many times..!!
What I’m really looking for in a friend is loyalty. And a pool. Mainly just a pool.