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As I said before, I never repeat myself.
School taught me a lot of stuff, but the most useful was how to get ready in 15 minutes
Being rich doesn`t equal happiness but i`d rather cry in a ferrari
JOKE OF THE YEAR: Two women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business.
I wish we had staff meetings in the garden. The plants would`ve love the fertilizer.
Something I will never understand: Why it’s acceptable for people to be idiots but not acceptable for me to point it out.
I hate when I go to pump gas only to find out that the little metal "handle hold up thingy" is broken, so I have actually squeeze and hold the handle. I hate it for two reasons: 1) its gross and i just wanna peel my hand skin off like gloves when im done. 2) it makes me realize how lazy I am.
He is proud of himself. He finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months and the box said 2-4 years.
They don`t seem to abduct humans like they used to; looks like we are not the only planet with government science-funding budget cuts.
“Grandbrother” sounds much cooler than uncle.
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
More funny statuses will be posted here soon
"Do you have a charger?" is the new "Could I bum a cigarette?"
I hate it when TV shows say they contain "adult situations" but then don`t show anyone going to a job they hate, and paying their bills.
I`m Not Perfect. Your Not Perfect. But Together We Can Be a Perfect Sense of Humor LOL!