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I don´t like people who can´t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.
Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in a cage, we just want to set them free.
I keep trying to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
I believe in equality. If we have five days of work, then we should have five day weekends as well.
All my biological clock does, is let me know when it`s time to eat again
If you watch the Twilight movies backwards, Kristen Stewart still can`t act.
I just want you all to know, whatever problems you might be having, I`m here to `like` them.
How to get laid: 1)Lay on bed... Wait 1 hour until lay becomes past tense
Video Game Logic: Everyone worse than me is my bitch and everyone better than me has no life.
This week is the 40th anniversary of the Rubik`s Cube. If you kids don`t know what a Rubik`s Cube is, it`s what people would stare at without human interaction before cellphones. Mel
My level of sarcasm has reached a dangerous level where even I don`t know if I`m kidding or not.
Since they`re loud and heavily scented already, Abercrombie & Fitch stores really are the ideal spot to go fart.
If people listened to themselves more often, they would talk less.
my stomach just growled and it sounded like it said... `Droid`....
thinks it`ll just be my luck to win the Lottery tonight ...... and the world WILL end tomorrow!