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I would like to think that I`ll die heroic death saving someone`s life but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my shoelaces and choke on a spoonful of Nutella.
Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in cages. We just want to set them free and play with them.
It has been brought to my attention that those stick figure decals on vehicles are not "kill" scores, but actually suppose to represent members of the family. I will be removing all my decals to avoid any further confusion.
Sorry I pissed you off, but I find you much more entertaining this way.
I poured some shampoo over my speakers today and they blew up... So much for EXTRA VOLUME.
I have the same thought when I watch horror flicks as when I watch my wedding videos. I should have known who the psycho was much sooner.
Some days, I think that Dexter dude has the right idea.
I fail to understand the ‘good’ part of ‘good morning’
I totally understand how batteries feel because I`m never included in things either
Imagine taking your girlfriend to your friends house for the 1st time, and her phone automatically connects to his password protected wifi.
"Lets hang out sometime" -liars.
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can`t flick your friends out the car window
If a picture is worth a thousand words then why does everyone only buy Playboy magazines for the articles?
Lies I`ll never stop telling: 1. I`d never put you in a home, mom. 2. It`s 6 inches long. 3. I have no idea how the PC got a virus.
I`m surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I`ve dropped my phone.