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Why is it that everyone you hate has such a better job than you?
Goodnight friends, strangers, pervs, weirdos and a$$holes, and anybody else I left out.
I do procrastinate more than I should, but it always gives me something to do tomorrow...
Bitch I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
I tried yoga once, but we called it Twister
The Internet makes things so convenient. Before it existed, if you wanted to order a DVD online, you had to invent the Internet.
Happy St. Patrick`s Day to the fool that gave up alcohol for Lent.
Question: : What do you get if you add human DNA to a goat? ... Answer: Kicked out of the petting zoo
it`s a fact that flies on screens are not afraid of cursors
People who spend their lives complaining how other people are doing nothing productive for society are doing nothing productive for society.
Hope you get down and funky on this the day of your birth!!
Every novel is a mystery, if you never finish it.
Saying "think outside the box" is a pretty inside the box suggestion.
If there’s one thing that having kids will teach you, it’s home repair.
"You`re going to love my friend. He`s hilarious." is still the best way to know you`re about to meet an annoying person.