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I bet Hell is sitting in front of every person you know while a slideshow of all of your deleted selfies is played on a loop.
After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself.
Something I never said as a kid: My book stopped working.
It may look like I`m doing nothing, but I`m actively waiting for my problems to go away.
Well, the people outside are frightful.
North Korea no!, really, go home! now you are really drunk!
You know you are getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
I don`t let my friends do stupid things... ALONE
Farts are like children. I`m proud of mine and disgusted by yours.
I love Costco. You don`t go there thinking you`re gonna buy a 12-pack of watermelons but you`ll probably leave with one.
You`re about as deep as a kiddies splash-pool..
Mail from Grandma: FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:FW:No subject
Billion dollar idea: Meth with Flouride
I went around the block with my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.
Facebook really needs a “pee on someone’s wall” option.