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"Does my uniform make me look fat?" -Insecurity guard
I had four E`s and LSD last night. Such an awful start to a game of scrabble!!
If everyone would stop screaming, I`m sure we`d all agree I`m not supposed to be in this women`s restroom.
Who the hell invented Bull Riding? "Hey, I`m gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal...Time me!!!"
I can`t wait for Taylor Swift to break up with a black guy, so she can write a rap album!
Either my cat is speaking English or that was not a vitamin I took....
Every night before bed I do this cute little thing where I stare at the Internet for 6.5 hours
If I were to give up Sarcasm, that would leave interpretive dance as my only means of communication.
Hockey: because running on knives makes sense.
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside!
Buying someone flowers is kind of a weird idea. Like: Hey, these are for you, now watch them slowly die, because I love you.
Ever notice how it`s never your successful friends posting inspirational quotes?
The sad part about seeing any shopper at Walmart with a blue tooth, is that normally it is that shopper`s only tooth.
“Until death do us part,” means we will all be single in heaven, right?
I am woman, hear me say the opposite of what I mean in that tone that means you`d better do what I meant and not what I said.