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I wanna see Mythbusters do the bible.
The worst part about calling in for a sick day is the pressure of knowing you only have one shot to do the “I’m sick” voice.
I don`t understand no one has excepted my boiling water challenge
Relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit card that provides added security to protect the $13.68 in my checking account.
Sometimes “Girl`s night out” means she has just taken her bra off
I`m sorry but, I could not hear you over the sound of my internal hope that you would shut the f*ck up.
To whoever has my voodoo doll, scratch between my butt cheeks....I`m in public.
All i wanna know is how this website knew my name is Guest?
The only thing I ever win playing McDonald’s Monopoly is 10 pounds.
I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck ... My wife still came home ... Superstitions are stupid.
Spice up your Facebook experience by making your status updates your google searches.
Sometimes my sarcasm is so intense that even I’m not sure if I’m kidding or not.
I was voted `Most Paranoid` by my classmates at school. Although they never admitted it.
I don’t care if it’s 1 A.M. I don’t consider it “tomorrow” until I wake up.
My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental issues