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My level of sarcasm is to the point where I don`t even know if I`m kidding or not.
Oh, you’re surprised I’m still single? I’m surprised you can dress yourself. So I guess we’re even.
If you don`t have anything nice to say I would probably enjoy spending time with you
There are only two types of honest people in this world, small children and drunk people.
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors and all of them got laid.
Call me lazy, but if it takes two clicks I’m not reading it.
Why is it called "reading a book" and not paper view?
you know that awkward moment when you think someone`s talking to you so you reply to them and then they look over at you with that disgusted facial expression that says "wtf ..no"
It’s only a matter of time until “Security Cameras of Wal-Mart” is a reality TV show.
i just peed so hard that I laughed a little bit
Single ladies, stop saying you should just give up & get a cat , if no man wants you , don`t force an innocent cat to live with you..
This is 2016. How come I can`t email someone a fart when I feel like it?
Sometimes, the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
Women are like bacon: they look good, they smell good, they taste good, and they will slowly kill you
I hope daylight savings time hasn`t thrown you off your schedule of doing nothing.