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I spent an hour at Walmart last night.. I can now totally disprove evolution.. O_o
Thinks that thinking about thoughts of thinking are too thinkable for thoughts to be thought about thinking, I think.
I don`t know what I would do without you, but I bet it`s awesome.
It should cost $10 to leave someone a voicemail.
Like my therapist always says, "I`m not your therapist, you`re just laying on a couch in Ikea"
Guys are like bears, if you lay very still they’ll paw at you a bit then give up and go look for food.
Inviting a friend to play Candy Crush Saga is like hosting an intervention and providing the crack.
How do some people manage to sit on it and talk out of it at the same time?
I hate it when people hate me without even giving me a chance to give them a good reason to.
The hardest part about having a vivid imagination is finding enough things to climb on to avoid all the frickin’ lava on the floor!
Just saw a car at McDonalds take 4 tries to get lined up in a parking space. I`m not judgmental, so I won`t assume what sex she was.
I’m not a “stalker”. I want to make sure you’re okay at all times. You can look at me as an unpaid bodyguard.
How come people who think they know everything never seem to know when to shut up?
Babies are really cute until you meet one that`s not a picture.
USB sounds like a backup in case the USA fails.