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When a bird bangs into your window, do you wonder if God is playing angry birds
Radio Shack has stayed in business with a name combining something no one buys anymore and a type of building no one wants to go into.
Just used a full size twix bar to stir my coffee.
I`m not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell.
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
Suggested movie theater prices: Adults - $9.00, Under 12 - $ 6.00, Under 3 - $249.00
Nothing like a brisk morning jog to start the day! Just kidding! I don`t do that.
I am not judging you...I already decided I don`t like you
To the person who stole my antidepressants..I hope you`re happy now!!!
I ruined my health by drinking to everyone else’s.
I don’t appreciate the 5 minute radio ads about how commercial-free the station is.
The only thing my girlfriend blows is everything out of proportion.
Letting my dad play Angry Birds on my iPad is like showing a caveman fire.
My GF`s anti aging cream went bad ... How does anti aging cream have an expiration date?!
My body needs a refresh button.