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What is it about paper towels that makes me always want to use more than one?
I don’t want to sound racist, but all stormtroopers look the same to me.
This bank pen tastes like it`s been in a lot of other people`s mouths
Don`t forget: it`s very important what strangers on the Internet think about you.
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you`re signing a cast.
Look, if your cart is in the middle of the aisle and I need to get by, then yes, this is bumper cars.
I can come up with plenty of ways to do nothing.
The first snow of spring is always the most beautiful
Long time ago I used to be young and handsome.. Today? Just handsome
So many people are making history right now. but me, I`m deleting history from my browser.
The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can be in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.
My mother said, "You won`t amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."
Yes, I streaked once on a dare ... all the rest of the times though were just for fun
It`s always darkest before the dawn. So if you`re going steal your neighbor`s newspaper that`s be the time to do it.
Always look your best, cause you never know when your family is going to surprise you with an intervention.