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I’m trusting a whole lot of people not to randomly murder me throughout the day.
If you are stalking me, please keep up, I have a lot of errands today.
If you are willing to date an ex, it means that you`re backwards compatible.
Chocolate comes from Cocoa, which is a tree. That makes cocoa a plant….chocolate is a salad.
Stop complaining about being single!!, we have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds don`t serve breakfast after 10:30 -.-
If I had known "cuties" were little oranges when my wife asked me to "bring a few home," I could have avoided these awkward introductions.
If all men are created equal then why are there midgets?
Ladies, when it comes to doggy style.....I`m behind you 100%
Do whatever you want, and if it`s something you`re going to regret in the morning, sleep late.
Underachieving Sunday through Wednesday, overachieving Thursday through Saturday.
OMG, what a day I had. If Monday was a guy, I`d punch him in the throat!
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes and sighing heavily and crossing her arms and holding in a fart.
Thank you, true crime show, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn`t stop that murder.
dreams of a better world... where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned
When will they start calling marijuana dispenseries grass stations?