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Sometimes all you need is $500 million dollars.
Jesus is coming.... look busy
If sex is said to be the best exercise, than why are there no fitness clubs for that. Now there`s idea. . .
Clearly the people that design refrigerators don`t know me if they think one tiny cheese drawer and two giant vegetable drawers is the way to go.
I drive everywhere but for some reason my shoes still wear out, it’s like there’s just no reward for laziness.
The part of “no” that I don’t understand is the part where I don’t get what I want.
My doctor asked me if I drink to excess. I told him I would drink to anything.
Ya, Wednesday sucks but… it could be Monday!
I love you more each day as my other options diminish.
It`s amazing how important someone can make you feel with a smile, a kind word or the occasional stalking.
I only drink on two occasions; when its my birthday and when its not.
Bring a hedgehog into the library and frantically ask the clerks where they keep the reverse spell casting books.
I`m 0-9 on finding secret rooms behind bookcases.
Parenting is no different than a bear attack. Curl up and play dead and they usually leave you alone.
If it wasn`t for physics and law enforcement, I`d be unstoppable.