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Nice try Jehovah’s Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to open my door.
My internet goes out more than I do.
People say there are plenty of fish in the sea, well that is nice and all but I’m human, I don’t date fish.
Why do they ask you "Please press 1 for English, then put you with someone who`s accent is so thick you can`t understand them?
The person that named the eggplant probably isn’t allowed to name things anymore.
Hi, we`re a group of teens who solve mysteries! We wanna be taken seriously so we wrote a theme song about how we can`t ever find our dog.
Success is like pregnancy, everyone congratulates you but no one knows how many times you`ve been screwed to get there.
I`m emotionally constipated. I haven`t given a crap in days...
Passive aggressive has never been my thing, I prefer chasing you with a chainsaw.
I don’t think I get enough credit for doing everything I do while being unmedicated.
Life is hard ... It`s harder if you`re stupid.
I want to get a welcome mat for my front door that just says "Text Me"
How long are Winnie the Pooh and Tigger going to ignore the fact there`s something seriously wrong with Eeyore
Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says "welcome"...
Square box. Round pizza. Triangle slices. I`m Confused.