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I shouldn`t have to work. People should just pay me for being awesome.
Sometimes knowing exactly where you are does not make you any less lost.
I was on way home this morning when I seen an AA van pulled in and the driver was crying his eyes out. I thought to myself that guy is heading for a breakdown.
I`m going to start looking for the good in all people I meet this year. Except for the a$$holes.
"Trust your gut" is terrible advice. How can I put trust in something that tells me to eat an entire pizza when I get drunk?
My 13yo just dumped his girlfriend and now he`s attempting to get his hoodie back. He`s in for one hell of a life lesson.
The guy who invented, "Take Your Child To Work Day," probably forgot to drop his kid off at school on his way to work..
If it’s the thought that counts, then I should probably be in jail
OMG, you guys, there`s a button on this stove that says "Stop Time". Should I press it??
The decline of civilization started when they stopped putting toys in boxes of cereal.
Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said "seriously?" after a comment you made during an argument.
Once you get past my charm, good looks, intelligence and my sense of humor, I think it’s my modesty that stands out.
There are two types of people in this world: those who know how to handle stress, and those who need bail money.
It`s 2013. With all the hormones in food and advances in medical technology, why are there still girls with less than C cup boobs?
I just finish reading "50 shades of gray" by Sherwin Williams. I don`t see what all the hype is about these paint brochures.