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2003: Fear that ppl from the internet will find me in real life. 2013: Fear that ppl from real life will find me on the internet.
A good lawyer knows the law. An excellent one knows the judge.
You can`t choose your family but you can choose a hitman.
Surly not EVERYBODY was Kung-Foo fighting?
Facebook should win an Emmy for Best Daytime Dramas.
The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my phone. 1. I don`t have a girlfriend.
wants to come back as a bird after I die.... just so i can sh!t on the people who piss me off.
I just ate what I thought was a feta cheese crumble from my salad off my shirt. Turns out it was deodorant. So how`s your day going?
When I`m really bored at work I like to write "I`m watching you" on the toilet paper a few squares in just to mess with people.
is in his own little world but it´s okay they know me here.
Here`s a joke for all you mind readers...
I’m not shy, I’m just really good out figuring out who is not worth talking to.
The hostess said to sit wherever I want, but the couple at this table are giving each other weird looks and have totally stopped talking.
This is the only way I know how to correctly use a semi-colon ;)