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Not sure if my dog is barking for no reason or I’m about to be murdered.
I give 2 star movies 5 stars on Netflix because if I sat through this piece of sh!t, I want you to as well.
The lyrics for "hush little baby" are basically saying "I will buy you anything if you just shut the hell up"
If you see someone wearing camouflage clothing, bump into them. It only takes a second of your time & it makes them feel like it works.
Facebook is the best place to say whatever you want. If it doesn’t go over well you can just say you were hacked.
I dance like people wish they weren`t watching.
I knew the fun part of my life was over when my friends started getting pregnant on purpose
If you work Security in a Samsung store does that make you a Guardian of the Galaxy?
omg I just found out I`m allergic to exercise...at first I get all flushed, then I break out in a sweat, my heart starts pounding really fast, then I cant breath........i wont be doing that again!
I call it a Cupcake Salad. And I don`t see how it`s any of your business.
Drinking Game: Tape a fake mustache to your TV. Drink every time it lines up with someone`s face.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, "It`s okay, I think we lost him."
My therapist says I`m a clueless, un-observant trainwreck. Which is weird because up until this moment, I never even knew he was a therapist.
This debate episode has to be the craziest Celebrity Apprentice I`ve ever seen!
Relationship status: Just kissed my cat and he got up and moved to the other end of the couch.