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I`m pretty sure if I put what was actually on my mind as my Facebook status, all my friends would delete me.
Long story short, I love summaries.
You health nuts are gonna feel real stupid when you`re laying in the hospital dying of nothing.
If you can´t say anything nice ... we´re probably related.
18 is TOO young to get married! You can`t even buy booze at 18! If you can`t buy booze, how the hell are you gonna make a marriage work?!?
I don`t see the point of sex if the neighbours don`t hear it.
It`s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
I really like that machine at the gym where you put money into it and snacks come out.
You had me at "do we need to stop at the liquor store on the way to your place"
I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.
The filling in this fortune cookie tastes like paper...
I have many hidden talents. Just wish I could find `em.
I`m starting to think I overuse exclamation points. It ends today. Right now. I`ll never ever use one again. I`m so excited about it. Yes.
To avoid conversations at work, always walk with purpose and a toilet plunger.
At least a stalker is there for you.