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This debt collector was just so surprised I answered my phone that they stuttered and hung-up lmao!!
You never know whats going on in your life until you’re f*cked up.
The older the Facebook post, the creepier your “like” becomes.
And then her mood ring just...exploded
Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder.
Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.
Never judge a book by it`s movie.
"Hello Kitty" should have been a brand of condoms...
Life is so much funnier when you have a dirty mind.
Fun thing to do: Before leaving someone`s house, ask them if you can take a roll of toilet paper "to go"
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
Always envied the kids who showed up to school with their 64 count Crayola crayons. If I wanted Burgundy or Salmon I had to ask in shame.
In my day we had to roll the windows up and down with our bare hands.
“Have you tried just eating a ton of pizza?”- me as a therapist
I can`t figure out why everyone calls me a smart-ass. Is it because I`m smart and have a great ass?