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Why would I ever pay to go to a NASCAR event when I could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free?
According to my neighbor’s journal, I have boundary issues.
I can`t even tell what this thing in my fridge use to be.
Girls don`t dress for boys, they dress for themselves... If girls dressed for boys, they`d just walk around naked all the time.
New documentary movie about white trash ... I only saw the trailer...
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer, & a pregnant girl have in common? In each scenario, there`s a dumb guy who didn`t take it out in time.
A recent survey of one person revealed that 100% of me thinks I should skip work tomorrow.
"I don`t care if you think it sounds gross, that`s what we`re calling it" -Guy who named the sweater.
I had no plans on looking sexy today, but sh!t happens.
Sarcasm is the ability to insult stupid people without them realizing it.
If the plan is “drink beer now, figure out life later” then yes, everything is going according to plan.
Maybe, just once, someone will call me "Sir" without adding, "You`re making a scene."
This is the only comment you should be leaving on porn sites: “Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your mother and I are heartbroken.”
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Walmart
If A-B-C-D didn`t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn`t have to be so rushed.