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My first mistake was thinking she couldn`t hit a moving target.
Not sure if this Adderall is working but I just made a pros and cons list about pros and cons lists.
When I’m getting off a crowded elevator I like to turn & look at someone who’s staying on and say,, “You’re in charge while I’m gone.”
If McDonald`s was smart they`d serve breakfast until 2pm on the weekends.
You know what bothers me? When people assume you`re homeless cause you`re asleep on the street and your pants are gone..
Lately, my furnace has run so much I nicknamed it "Forest".
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run, but I did break a sweat.
At a wedding reception I recently attended someone said, "All the married men please stand next to the person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
My laptop has a Miley Virus. It`s stopped twerking.
Since my ear surgery I haven`t heard from my doctor. Not sure if that`s a good thing or not.
To hell with the "dislike" button! i think we need a "who cares" button, a "WTF" button and a "STFU!" button. just saying.... Oh and a "lol" button because i just get tired of writing it! lol!
My doctor said I need to workout with dumb-bells. Would any of you like to go jogging with me?
My relationship is like an iPhone, I don`t have an iPhone.
Never go to bed angry. Stay awake and plot revenge.
You can`t run from your problems. unless your fat.