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A new study has found that women with larger butts live longer than men who mention it.
I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
Girls don`t dress for guys, they dress for themselves. If they dressed for guys they would be naked all the time
Men use love to get sex...women use sex to get love...I use coupons to get pizza!
Studies show that 99% of Dans are not "the man."
Couples Halloween costumes always end up looking like one person went along with it to save the relationship.
Just found out my daughter`s super power is repeating what I`ve said about others as soon as she meets them.
I wish I had my own private chauffeur. . . . Then I could really commit to being an alcoholic!
okay it was me..... I did it ..... I let the dogs out
My original account got suspended for aggressive behavior and they haven`t even seen me in bed yet.
Sometimes I wish I was a nicer person but then I laugh and continue my day.
Don´t you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn´t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop.
Sometimes I ask myself why do I stay up so late? Then I tell myself it`s none of my damn business.
If someone toilet papered my house that would be great because I`m out of toilet paper.
Look!!! I am always here for you no matter what,OK? unless there is something good on tv or I`m eating pie