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Do you ever wish you were a monkey? Then if you got mad at someone, you could just fling your poo at them. Problem solved.
“I went to Jared” I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
Relatives - Because sometimes you need reminding of your bad genes too.
i never said i knew what i was doing, i said i was going to do it anyway :)
Every so often I’ll listen to my wife talk non stop for hours at a time, to remind myself why people wander into traffic without looking.
"2 weeks with my baby xoxoxo" lol,calm down romeo&juliet.
If you scream in a library, people just look at you funny. If you scream on an airplane, everyone joins in.
If I had three wishes, I`d use one for boobs. Because I`m pretty sure I could get everything else that I wanted if I had boobs.
Even when I change my mind, it still doesn`t work any better.
If you wake up with a funny taste in your mouth on christmas morning...............just remember that santa only cums once a year. :D
I miss my ex a lot... but my aim is getting better.
It`s called fall because everything is falling; leaves, temperature, bank account, gpa, motivation...
Sometimes I zone out and forget what I’m supposed to be doing, and then I remember and take a drink of my beer.
can´t find Sesame Street on my GPS. Can you tell me how to get there?
A few more months without getting laid and I should be eligible for employment at Gamestop.