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I enjoy long walks away from responsibility.
I hope your day is as nice as your butt.
Just realized that 90% of Disney cartoons involve lying about your identity to get someone to love you.
I assume people with dark tinted windows pick their nose more aggressively than the rest of us.
Why are Doctors so afraid of apples?
I keep having this dream that I`m being carried off by a giant squirrel. Does that make me nuts?
I hate when the weather man says there is a chance of sprinkles in the forecast...makes me want donuts!!
You the bomb" "No you the bomb" A compliment in America. An argument in the middle east
Ever notice that the first 10 seconds of a medical drug commercial is spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest basically daring you to take it?
You make me feel "I`m-typing-this-with-my-middle-finger" angry.
My laptop has a Miley Virus. It`s stopped twerking.
You might call it ‘whipped.’ I call it `guy who’s getting laid.’
Cleavage is like the sun, you can look... But its dangerous to stare
There should be an "oh my god, shut up already" button.
Irresponsible is when your neighbor doesn`t pay their wifi bill.