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I know you people are crazy. I can spot my own kind a mile away.
Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I`m the a$$hole for tripping him?
You ever wonder why it`s only women who need exorcisms?
Does the sleeve tat go with my male pattern baldness and pot belly? Asking for a friend.
Unwritten Rule of the Day: Don´t make eye contact while eating a banana.
I hope the final frame of Breaking Bad is white text on black background: "None of this would have happened if we had Universal Healthcare."
when I`m quiet, strangers look at me and think I`m shy. People who know me think: OMG! he`s thinking! EVERYBODY RUN!
No, no, no, you don`t have to engage in a long explanation of why you`re single. We`ve spent five minutes together, I think I`ve got it.
Hey sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.
I´m not insensitive, I just don´t care.
At times I wish I had a clone, but then I realize, I could never live with that a$$hole.
Missing my childhood super-powers, when I could sleep on the couch and wake up in bed.
All units be on the lookout, suspect is armed with hunky shoulders, soft eyes and dreamboat hair. I don`t even remember what he did anymore.
What did the crop say to the farmer? Stop picking on me
I`ve just been watching a documentary on marijuana...... I think all documentaries should be watched this way.