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My neighbors complained about all the loud sex they are hearing from my house. So now I have to buy some headphones for my computer.
I love screwing with the minds of the foreign tech support guys. "My name is Perry, not Terry. With a P as in Pterodactyl."
I don`t know who I feel more sorry for.. myself for never being able to find where I parked my car?.. or the poor bastards following me through the parking lot hoping to take my parking space...
I watch CSI for the great tips they give out.
Must be my day for Mis-Advertizing --- I just ate a Bowl of Cheerios ----- and they DIDN`T make me Happy!!!! FML!!! :-P
The only Plato I care about is a big Plato spaghetti
Sometimes you have got to talk to a 3year old toddler in order to understand the meaning of happiness in life.
How long do I microwave this 14 lb turkey?
Did the Baha Men ever find their dogs? Did they put up posters or just sing that song?
Sorry, but breaking up with you on facebook was the best way of letting all your friends know I`m available.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it`s that everyone speaks English after they die.
Accept the craziness. Life will be a bore without it.
Advice of the day: Don`t go trick or treating at the bank. They get freaked out. Especially when it`s not Halloween
No matter how many lives you have in Candy Crush, you’ll still never get your own back.
I wish I had money so I could be eccentric instead of just weird.