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Nothing makes me want to leave a website more than a pop-up window saying, “Are you sure you want to leave this page?”
There is a huge difference between a hot girl and a girl wearing lesser clothes.
I know you think you´re interesting because you have an accent. But a drunken slur is not an accent.
When your wife or girlfriend asks,"Do I look fat?" the ONLY correct response is, "Do I look stupid?
If McDonald`s was smart they`d serve breakfast until 2pm on the weekends.
The only time my wife will ever scream "DEEPER, DEEPER" is when they are lowering my casket into the ground
It`s a recipe for disaster when your country has an obesity epidemic and a skinny jean fad.
Girlfriend said she felt she looked fat, tired, and ugly. Said she needed a compliment. I told her that her eyesight was nearly flawless.
I bet acting like azzholes on the Internet all day wasn`t where most of us visioned our lives to be right now.
I keep graphic, full frontal nude pictures of myself on my cell phone in case anyone ever hacks it. That`ll teach `em.
Sometimes I really want to throw paper at people. Brick shaped Paper. Made of brick.
The bears had it right choosing to hibernate all winter.
FACT: 99.7% of guys named "Dan" are not actually "The Man".
The toughest part of a diet isn’t watching what you eat…It’s watching what other people eat.
Do Me: a favor. - Punctuation is important.