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What does Miley Cyrus have for dinner on Christmas? Twerky :`)
A rainy Friday is still better than a sunny Monday.
Just think of me as the guy next door. With a telescope.
drink beer ?? save water
I told my girlfriend I`m Harry Potter`s Godfather... She laughed hard and said "you can`t be Sirius"
I thought I was losing weight, but it turned out my sweatpants had come untied.
I’m taking care of my procrastination issues; just you wait and see.
Well that’s a wrap on another day where I act like I know what I’m doing
Boys will be boys. Girls will be girls. Koalas will be koalas. Just about everything will be the things they are. That`s how this works.
I would be a terrible stalker because A) I`m not motivated enough B) You would always hear the rattle of peanut m&ms behind you.
Success is like being pregnant. Everybody congratulates you, But nobody knows how many times you were ****** before you got there.
Hangovers are nature`s way of grounding you as an adult.
Sometimes the fact that bacon exists is enough.
Don´t you just hate it when people say stuff in their status that you really didn´t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop.
Don`t sweat the petty things and don`t pet the sweaty things.