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I just love having sex with you...Next time I hope you are there with me.
The first rule of selfie club should be to clean your room.
Im at a beer tasting today..so far they all taste the same out of this case...well done Budweiser...well done!!
I realized that at my income level "Wealth Management" really just means re-organizing the money in my wallet by denomination.
My workout plan really only consists of me wandering around in parking lots because I forgot where I parked...
Still don`t understand why you can`t end a company-wide email with, `Later b*tches.`
Don`t get me started Bitches, I don`t come with brakes.
I never get caught because I`ve watched all 27 seasons of Cops..
When someone tells you they are getting a divorce, a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told, twice now.
So, which one of you is going to be the subject of your local news` annual turkey fryer accident story?
The only thing I`ve learned from my mistakes is that I make a whole bunch of them
I`ve come to the sad realization nobody will ever triumphantly pour Gatorade on me for any reason
I like to say "Do I smell popcorn?" right after I fart ..that way everyone quickly takes a deep breathe.
You`re not the sharpest knife in my back.
A book fell on my head, I can only blame my shelf.