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It’s annoying when Netflix keeps stopping to buffer. Stupid neighbors just won’t upgrade their WiFi.
Sorry I got drunk and angry and said all those things I meant but still shouldn`t have said.
If you look in the mirror and say "Taylor Swift" three times, she magically appears then breaks up with you. What do u know next? You`re a song!
I really should learn to say "congratulations" instead of "are you keeping it?"
If it rains on a dream catcher, does that make it a wet dream catcher?
My friend told me he wants to be a secret agent. Based on that alone, I don`t think he`d be a good secret agent.
I will always be here for you. Unless we run out of beer and someone has some over there. Then I will be over there for you.
There`s no way to gracefully remove a jacket while wearing a seatbelt...
How much time has to pass before grave robbing is considered archaeology?
What scares me most is that some people think I actually know what I’m doing.
Nothing says love like hearing a toilet flush on the other end of the phone.
Hmmmmm,,,, Turns out all this time, I’ve been using a life couch instead of a life coach.
It`s the weekend!!! I haven`t been this excited since my phone got stuck on vibrate.
Trying to remain humble but I’m the most famous person in my living room right now.
I`m smiling, that alone should scare you.