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Texting "Good Morning, Beautiful" will change a girl`s whole day. If you time it right, it will do the same for her boyfriend.
I have a land line just so that I still have the option to slam the phone down when I angrily hang up on someone.
Highschool Reunion? What for ? I`m on Facebook. I already know who got fat.
I`m not lying, I`m just making the story better.
I`m so ghetto.... I had lights and water bill in my name before the age of 3..
I had cheese, but no crackers ... I was cracka-lackin
It`s too bad parallel lines never meet because they have so much in common.
Women have to deal with periods, pregnancy, childbirth, menopause and hot flashes. Men have to deal with women.
I`m available if anyone needs me to ruin a good thing before it even starts.
My blind neighbor sure does take his dog on a lot of walks...
Sometimes just to annoy my therapist, I ask him, "So how does my lack of progress make you feel?"
I may be evil, crazy, insane and f*cking naughty but I do have some good traits, I just don`t dwell on them.
She heard me call her a bitch so now I have 100 problems.
Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill.
This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date, so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents` house